3 Healthy Ways to Resolve Conflict
As a speaker and consultant; I've researched people, the mind, how we process things and why we have the experiences we do. The mind is so complex. There are so many things the mind processes. Can we control EVERYTHING? In a word, No. However, it's imperative that we control what we can.
Some of you may have children, but you all certainly have colleagues, employees, people that you return to and those who report to you. Something you will experience is conflict. It may not always be your fault, but that isn't really the point right now. The point is asking yourself how you solve it. I'm going to challenge you on the how!
I'll use two friends/students/colleagues/children you may know of and someone younger who's observing them.
Person #1: I hate you, you are the worst, it's all your fault.
Person #2: Why do you hate me? You always start everything, then want me to beg you for forgiveness.
Person #1: I'm never talking to you again!
Person #2: I hope not, because I had no plans on talking to you again either.
YOUNGER PERSON OBSERVING THE ENCOUNTER: ....... Wow, that was bad ...... They'll probably never speak again...
NEXT DAY or 2 Days Later .
Person #1 walking with Person #2: "Somehow walking side by side laughing and talking. They've definitely solved their conflict and all is right in their world again.
YOUNGER PERSON OBSERVING THE ENCOUNTER: ...... Confused, and rightfully so.
What is my point?
There was a conflict that someone who looks up to you or your student witnessed. What did they see? They saw how a conflict started but didn't see how it was resolved. What happens as a result? You've seen this behavior. You've seen it with family or at work but don't always realize how it manifests.
If a child or person only see one side, that's how they'll grown and upload their information. They will see people fight and then magically be okay. They see everything it takes to start a conflict, but nothing of how to resolve it. That is why it's important to:
#1 If a conflict is started in front of friends/family, it should be resolved in front of said group in some way.
#2 If you are wrong, be willing to correct yourself once you realize it or made aware. It's okay to be humble. It doesn't make you weak to admit you're wrong or that you could have done better. If it comes from a half sincere place, they will share blame and you will grow together.
#3 Address conflict in a healthy way. Conflict that goes unaddressed manifests into a passive aggressive game of ping pong and someone will SLAM one on you when you least expect it. Resentment builds up from unaddressed conflict.
I hope this is helpful.
Successful people are decisive by nature and create healthy success habits. It's important to remember what you've just read, especially if you have people looking up to you. Look back on even your personal childhood and think about if any of this sounds familiar. If so, begin to work through that piece of trauma because it's possible it's keeping you from being the best version of you and that you're leaving happiness on the table!
How Anger Moves & Manifests....
Stan Pearson II, MBA
Former Student Affairs Pro
Award Winning Speaker & Motivational Comedian
5 Time Author
Chief Visionary - Mental Flight School
Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc.
New Husband & New Dad to Baby III